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Introduction My name is Mike.* I would like to start by saying that I am not, nor have I ever been, a member of the International Churches of Christ. My story is one of a third party, a man who was profoundly affected by the ICOC despite not being a member. I tell this story to show all those who just "surfed on in" or simply find this interesting reading that just because you are not a member of this supposed "church" or have never been pressured to join that you can't be affected by them. The ICOC affects many people in many ways, both directly and indirectly. Mine is just such an example. A Little Background For nearly three years, I had been going out with my girlfriend Cathy.* We had met through some mutual friends at a party and hit it off right away. Before I knew it, I was seeing her exclusively. It was one of those forgone conclusions where everyone from day one knew we'd be an item. Everything about her was just right for me � she had the outgoing, energetic personality my personality literally needs, a caring, romantic side I love. By the time we'd had our second anniversary, we both found ourselves in need of a new place to live. Cathy's landlord had decided to sell the house she was living in and my roommate was leaving the state, so it didn't take much prodding or arm twisting for us to take advantage of the situation and move in together.
Trouble Brews
To me, this was a solid step forward in our relationship. Cathy meant more to me than any other woman I had ever met. We spent so much time at each other's places it also seemed to be a good use to time and space. To Cathy, however, this meant a lot more. She now felt that my eagerness to move in together was tantamount to marriage. Of course, this was not communicated to me directly and this turned out to be a classic case of one partner expecting more from the other than that other knew what was expected of him. The following months went by and I thought things were fine. I started a new job I really liked and Cathy was able to continue her college courses with the reduced rent she was paying. But after that time, when the expected marriage proposal did not materialize, Cathy began to get impatient with me. She began hinting around about it, but I paid it no heed. This, in turn, made things worse. Finally, Cathy and I were at odds about the subject, with her bringing it up constantly and me telling her straight out I wasn't ready for such a big commitment. The pressure came in at me from all aspects�her friends, her cousins, my friends�but I would not be pressured into something as big as marriage. Those that know me can attest I am a very stubborn man, and I absolutely would not be pressured into doing anything I did not feel comfortable with, especially something of this magnitude. Now to be fair to Cathy, I can understand her feelings. She is a very good-looking woman, the second of three very beautiful sisters, one older, one younger, who had all been married. This left her feeling somewhat inadequate, sibling rivalry being what it is. Nonetheless, marriage is not something I was prepared to just "do" for the sake of her security. One night, not long after I thought the whole marriage thing was settled for good, we went to Cathy's parents house for dinner. There, at the table in front of her entire family, she begins prodding me once again about marriage. This began a fateful debate in which her parents came down squarely on my side. If he is not ready, don't push it, was their view. This made Cathy very upset and she yelled that she had just wasted her last three years with me and that she could have been married by now if she'd only stayed with David (her prior boyfriend). God, that struck me like a hammer blow! I simply excused myself from the table, left the house, and drove home without uttering a word to anyone.
Silent Running
For the weeks following that incident, little was said by either of us. She had crossed the line and she knew it. She couldn't take such a remark back. We lived together, side-by-side, all the time the issue never being addressed. Aside from occasional small talk about who called while who was out and the rent being due, we just ignored each other and went on with our lives. I guess we both knew the score, but in some way I think we both hoped that by remaining together under one roof we could work this thing out. Only with so much emotional damage there was a lot of work to do, work made even more difficult by the wall that was growing between us.
Enter the ICOC
At her night class, Cathy met Monica, a member of the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Cathy went to class night after night and in no time she and Monica became friends. Our situation was on her mind a lot and Cathy confided in Monica, who always seemed to be there for her. For a while, it was before class talk, then they met after class. It progressed from there. Cathy really needed a friend at that point, I suppose. We'd been together for so long she didn't know anyone who wasn't friends with me too. Demons from the Past
Had I known that it was the ICOC, I probably would have done something about Cathy's association with this church right then and there. As it was, my experiences with the ICOC were very limited, but I did have my run-ins with them years before. I remember when I was in school in San Diego about 1988 I was approached repeatedly by some religious group on campus. I remember them because of the tenacious way they approached me. They were so friendly at first I thought it was a case of mistaken identity. Being raised in Los Angeles, you learn to deal with these 'extreme' groups all the time. There have always been a lot of them in L.A. for some reason. I told them, on many occasions that semester I was not interested and was already happily involved with my Episcopal group on campus, though this didn't seem to discourage them.
In fact, I noticed each time they approached me that they would stop and talk with me, getting a few more facts about me each time. They would then use that information to get even more friendly with me the next time they saw me on the campus green (which seemed to be their favorite hunting ground of theirs, as it were). "Hey, Mike! How's that Econ class you took? Did you drop the History class yet?" They always had something to say to me. Each of these cozy little meetings would always end up with yet another invite to their church bible study, service or what have you. Finally, I simply stopped being nice to them and was actually rather rude when this didn't get them away from me. That didn't seem to halt their accosting of me much. Then they'd just send in someone else to do the recruiting! That sort of tenacity was what really stood out in my mind for so many years. Still does, in fact. I spoke to my ministry priest, Father O' Malley, not long after these invites. He told me that there were a number of cultist groups on campus, including the San Diego Church of Christ which had been causing a lot of trouble with students about then. I looked at one of the flyers my campus green attackers always shoved in my face. Sure enough, it was the Campus Faith Center or some such name, an affiliate of the San Diego Church of Christ. The campus didn't take a lot of action as far as I know and many of the members were in fact students, which made it harder for the campus police to track. In fairness, the campus police had bigger fish to fry. Keep in mind SDSU has the Hare Krishnas on campus, so compared to them even the ICOC seems a little mild. Actually, I was never approached by any Krishna at any time during my two years at SDSU, which is more than I can say for the ICOC. Likewise, my roommate and several friends also reported being approached by the same "Christian" people. In the end, I simply found a different place on campus to hang out between classes and that was the end of that. Little did I know they'd be back to affect my life again many years later. I recently contacted a fellow Episcopal group member and friend of mine Dave and asked him if he remembered this group, because I know he was approached by them on several occasions and he actually found out more about them. He confirmed that yes, this was the San Diego Church of Christ, the area affiliate of the International Churches of Christ.
The Noose Tightens
But at the time I simply knew that Cathy was becoming involved in some church group. I mistakenly figured that this group was something akin to the campus ministry I was involved in while at SDSU. After all, it was a campus-based group, or so Cathy claimed. I remember she was very happy at that time, the happiest I had seen her in months. She was gone a great deal of the time with this group and I thought it was her "getting into" a new group and that this would level off in time. Considering the silence we faced while together in the apartment, I was glad she was out and being social. At first. Looking back, I can see it all happening, the ICOC control slowly enveloping Cathy and I can kick myself to this day for being so clueless. Her friend Monica was around more and more. Monica was there to pick her up for class when her car broke down, take her to church, study with her, and in a dozen other aspects of Cathy's life. When I mentioned to Cathy I thought Monica was getting a little too intrusive in our lives, she promptly told me that I was being paranoid and didn't like Monica. I responded that there was no truth in that, but that Monica did seem to be glued to her at the hip and perhaps we should spend some time together. Cathy smiled and said that we would, but of course any plans we made were promptly canceled because Cathy had to attend a church function that night or some other church member was in trouble and needed help with something. With this church it was always something. Finally, I just gave up.
Confrontation
As the weeks went by, I saw less and less of Cathy. She was always off to one church event or another and I never saw her on Sundays at all. Now that she was in such good spirits, I took it upon myself to straighten out our difficulties and to heck with the church and any roadblocks they'd try to throw between us. I got her in the car and took her to the beach, without her pager (which was constantly going off with messages from Monica and others) and away from any distractions. She was friendly and responsive, but not in the way I expected. She went on about how God was in her heart now and that all our problems would be solved. I pressed for more specific, concrete, and down-to-earth details, such as our relationship, but she just smiled and dismissed it as trivial. I wasn't sure what to make of that. Two months prior to this, our relationship was practically all she could think of. Now it was trivial? I knew at that point this bliss she was feeling wasn't altogether healthy. We were gone for perhaps two hours or so, yet when we drove home there was Monica waiting around for her in the driveway. She started grilling Cathy about where we were and what we did before we�d gotten out of the car! This is going too far, I thought. After a slight confrontation between Monica and myself, which Cathy defused, she and Monica left for yet another church-related function.
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